Love Giver

Love Giver

Becoming God's Man Series

Francis Teo. 18/5/2018

 1)      The Call of Man as a Love Giver

The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

“For this reason, a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”    (Genesis 2:18-24)

What is the rationale?

Man calling is to give “a special kind of love” a covenantal love, reserved solely, exclusively, specially and permanently for his wife.    

2)      What do you understand by the word “Love Giver”?

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 New International Version (NIV)

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

A love giver is someone who give Affection – Tenderness – Appreciation – Respect - Friendship - Emotion – Devotion to his wife.

A love giver is someone who is patient, kind, gracious, merciful, respectful, selfless, humble (not boastful), forgiving (keep no record of wrongs), merciful, appreciative, caring, understanding, supportive with his wife

 3)      Characteristics of a Love Giver

“For this reason, a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24  

In verse 24, God define his purpose and objective of marriage or this special love. There are 3 Key Characteristics of the Special Love we are called to give:

• Priority – “a man shall leave his father and mother” –
• Commitment – “ … be joined to his wife”
• One-ness – “…. They shall become one flesh”

a) Priority – “a man shall leave his father and mother” 

To give preference, to put first, to precede before anything else, of extreme importance

Who do we give priority to?

Priority – other than God, the wife takes priority and precedence over all other human relationships including father & mother

What does it mean when we say our wife is our first priority?

• Say No To Other Stuff. Focusing on your priorities means saying no to other things. That can mean not making other plans on the night of your weekly date night or keeping your schedule generally less full so you can spend time together each evening. It may even mean saying no to something like a TV show that you like watching so that you can spend time talking or connecting. 

• Example of single married. Playing golf with golf buddies every Saturday and Sunday

• Spending time with parents.

• Overseas job that will take you away from your wife.

Making Your Marriage Your First Priority

It’s often said that you can tell someone’s real priorities by looking at their calendar and their checkbook. If days and weeks are full with all the things in life and you’re not getting that connection time with your wife, you may be wondering how to reset the priorities and make your marriage a priority again

In the busyness of life with everything vying for your attention, it is difficult to keep priorities in order. But there is one area that should stay at the top of every couple’s priority list: their marriage.

There’s nothing more inspiring than seeing a happily married couple whose vows have lasted from young adulthood well into the golden years. But don’t be deceived. It wasn’t luck that brought them through. Great marriages don’t “just happen.” They are intentionally built one day at a time. And that takes a shift in priorities.

Bogged down with demands at work, raising children and growing responsibilities, couples often place marriage maintenance on their expendable list, waiting for more convenient times to work on their relationship. The result to this type of thinking? Years later they find that they’re living with a roommate rather than a soul mate. Keeping your marriage your top priority means making a conscious choice to grow with your partner not away from your partner.

Do yourself and your family a favor. Place your marriage on the same priority level as brushing your teeth. Make it a part of your daily routine and something you wouldn’t dream of skipping no matter how busy your schedule gets!

If you had one rope and you had to choose between your spouse or everything else in the world hanging off a cliff, you choose your spouse.

Making your marriage a priority is simply deciding not to take your marriage for granted but to instead treat it as one of the most important relationships you’ll ever make with a person. It is the act of adjusting to life’s stages to make sure you are growing older with your spouse every day. And if you ask any seasoned couple if the time investment was worth it, I’m sure the answer will be the same. Taking the time to sow the seeds of togetherness brings an immeasurable payoff of a rewarding marriage that is bound to stand the test of time.

b)     Commitment  – “ … be joined to his wife”

Meaning of commitment – a promise, a pledge, a guarantee, an undertaking, a responsibility, a liability, a vow, a duty, a charge, a must, a need

What are you committing to do? Commitment in a marriage is a promise, undertaking, a guarantee , a pledge  to carry out, to accomplish, to achieve, to complete the marriage vow.

Commitment to the marriage vow:  I, ____, take you, ____, to be my lawfully wedded (husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

One of the fundamental cornerstones of a successful marriage is commitment, an unwavering allegiance to a relationship and a partner. Commitment is sticking it out through the good and bad times.  “I’m willing to sacrifice for you”,  willing to do whatever it takes to make the marriage work. It means do what it takes to make the relationship successful.

In marriage you are not only committing to each other in companionship, you are committing to each other in everything. Nothing comes before your spouse.

Commitment is not a very “sexy” word or concept but it probably has more to do with making marriages work than anything else. It’s not just about saying marriage vows or having a piece of paper that says “marriage license.”

Commitment is important because we act differently when we know that our futures are tied together. You may avoid a prickly conversation if you know the other person will not be around forever. Commitment means you’ve promised to stay and work it through, not just today but forever.

Commitment is a choice to give up choices. Although this might at first sound limiting, it actually brings great freedom and depth. No longer does the committed person need to weigh which person or way of life will bring more happiness. Once committed, all one’s energy goes into making this commitment work. No longer are other possibilities a distraction.

“It’s easy to be committed to your relationship when it’s going well. As a relationship changes, however, shouldn’t you say at some point something like, ‘I’m committed to this relationship, but it’s not going very well — I need to have some resolve, make some sacrifices and take the steps I need to take to keep this relationship moving forward. It’s not just that I like the relationship, which is true, but that I’m going to step up and take active steps to maintain this relationship, even if it means I’m not going to get my way in certain areas’?

This is the other kind of commitment: the difference between ‘I like this relationship and I’m committed to it’ and ‘I’m committed to doing what it takes to make this relationship work.’ When you and your partner are struggling a bit, are you going to do what’s difficult when you don’t want to?

c)      One-ness – “They shall become one flesh”

What is the meaning of oneness?

Sameness in purpose, unity, harmony, accord, uniformity, an union, singularity, indivisibility, wholeness, unaminity,

What is the most important oneness a couple must achieve?

The most important oneness a couple must achieve is oneness in God because that is the sure foundation in all marriages which all marriages are built on and which every couple must know.

Marriage oneness as the result of submission to God actually leads us to genuine oneness -- and to happiness in marriage!

God is the center piece of your marriage, but nothing besides the Lord is more important than your spouse. Not the kids, not church, not spreading the gospel, nothing!

These things cause us to struggle with “oneness.” First, unless we give ourselves before God, we will not see the idea of a personal sacrifice to our spouse. Second, unless we understand some steps we will not know what to do, even if we are submissive to God.

What are the oneness we want to achieve in marriage?

1)      Relationship with God

2)      How to raise a family

3)      Goals in life

Give example of how we tried to achieve oneness in our marriage.

Praying together / reading the scriptures together / Playing badminton together / doing photography together / swimming together / doing things together

Six ways to grow as one in marriage day by day.

• Worship together. I’m not just talking about singing, although that is important. Worship is about God being at the center of your life. Just as the earth revolves around the sun and keeps a constant orbit as a result of the gravitational pull of the sun, your life as a couple should constantly, day in and day out, revolve around God. As you attend church, pray, and grow in God together, you’ll grow as one. I realize that opening your heart to God in front of your spouse might at first be a bit uncomfortable, but it’s worth it. As you pray together, you’ll get a front row seat into one another’s soul. And remember, the family that prays together, stays together.

• Read together. It’s one thing to read the same book and compare notes but try actually reading it at the same time aloud to each other. My wife, Susan, and I have read a few books aloud together at bedtime over the years. We’ve found that it helps us open up discussion on the things we are reading about and encourages intimacy. Find a book you’d both like to read. Mix up the kinds of things you read. Try a devotional classic or a marriage book. Choose a literary classic you’ve both always meant to read or take turns selecting a biography or a favorite novelist.

• Walk together. Several times a week, if our schedules permit, Susan and I will take our dogs for a walk around the neighborhood. It’s an opportunity to hold hands and just spend some uninterrupted time together or even talk about things we need to without the distractions of the house. And, of course, it’s good physical exercise.

• Cook together. Just as there is something special about sharing a meal with someone, preparing it as a couple can be an opportunity for some great time together as well. In addition to working together on a task, you get to talk as you do. Plus, there can even be a romantic vibe when you are sharing the kitchen together.

• Play together. Praying together and playing together both create oneness in marriage. Your play might include collecting things together. Maybe it’s stamps, coins, or antiques. It could be you introducing her to fly fishing or her introducing you to rose growing. Or, find something that’s new to both of you: Susan has been after me to try dance lessons for some time. I know a couple who went to a painting class together and delighted in each other’s successes.

• Exercise together. Part of nurturing a healthy, long marriage is ensuring each of you is healthy enough to be around for a long marriage. Find ways you can keep fit together while recognizing your different abilities and interests. Cycling is fun, but going out on a tandem can take it to a whole other level and swapping seats gives you a chance to see things from their perspective. Tennis or golf may be your thing, but just be sure that if you are competing against each other, it’s at a friendly level. The activity is intended to bring you closer, not drive a wedge between you.

 4)      How do you know whether you a Love Giver? / Are You A Love Giver?

A love givers is constantly seeking out ways to lighten their partners load.

Take their partners’ interests into consideration and a mindset, and they ask, "What else can I do for you?

Willing and able to invest in your partner emotional wellbeing, give ample physical affection, verbal praise, and emotional support. Kind, gracious, loving and considerate with their wife.

Givers are like heat seeking missiles for ways to bring value to their partner’s life.They are constantly on the lookout for ways to help the other one grow their potential (emotionally, spiritually, in their careers, etc.).

They are frequently looking for ways to better your significant others life. They want to make a difference in the life of their wife.

5)      Conclusion

By coming to your relationship with the value-adding giver mindset, you are setting your relationship up for success.

Givers are also usually the most attractive partners—and the most likely to have long-term relationships. So, they’re pretty awesome. Everyone likes having givers around

"In the most successful relationships, both partners are Givers...

Imagine a relationship in which both partners always care for each other’s needs.

Ultimately, for a good relationship that benefits you, you will want your partner to be happy and will want to support them in return

A body of research now shows that a lifestyle comprised of kindness and service leads to greater personal fulfillment, as well as health and happiness. If you want to be happy and successful, it behooves you too to become a Giver.